Is school starting yet??

Ha ha... as much as I love my munchkins... there comes a time when everyone needs a little more structure and a little less togetherness. :) The boys completed their neighborhood "reading club" (well, it was supposed to be just Dryden and a bunch of his "going into 2nd grade friends" but when I figured out that Parker was reading the books along with him... we sent him too!) this afternoon by setting some goals for the school year and a dip in the pool (since it is 93 degrees outside... this weather is making Al Gore look like a genius...). They have had a wonderful summer full of friends, picnics, pool-time, travels and treats. Now soccer has begun, we're getting the first emails detailing that little 5 month endeavor that we call hockey and we've visited some classrooms. Tomorrow evening is Kindergarten Orientation and I'm actually starting to believe that Parker just might go (it's pretty up in the air on most days although the last few have seemed more positive... but don't be holding your breath for the smiling, first-day-of-school photo op). We've picked through our clothes (Grandpa has already been here resupplying them with adorable GAP jeans and Star Wars tees) and Neely is the happy beneficiary of all of our friends with girls back to school clothing try-ons. Now it is time to JUST GO already!! We are starting so late due to some construction (which looks lovely, incidentally...) on the high school and I can honestly say that it is just about a week or so too long (which will make next year's normal starting date around August 25th just perfect!).

In the midst of all of this kid-craziness we are also anticipating surgery. And truthfully, I'm getting excited to get it behind me. As much as I hate the thought of missing out on yet another Fall - my FAVORITE time of year (ok, maybe it's tied with any time that there is snow...), I will be so thrilled to have my body somewhat put back together again (all the while being somewhat taken apart... it's a contradiction wrapped up in a conundrum, for sure). We are anxiously awaiting Grandma's return and packing my last few pre-surgery weeks with a visit to Lancaster, dinners with friends, brunch with the neighborhood crew, soccer practices, soccer games and more dentists, doctors and bloodwork (you didn't think that I could get away from all of that good stuff, did ya??).

The good news is that so far there is nothing to report on the last round of testing. The bad news is... they did more testing. Apparently I conveniently forgot that while Tamoxifen is busy inhibiting some things it is stimulating others (and therefore increasing my endometrial cancer risk to something like 10x that of the regular population) so we are now awaiting the results of that little biopsy. Additionally... there was some sort of issue with the last set of labs that I had drawn up so I will be returning to donate more blood to the cause. AND... my doctor is now not going to be available on the day that I was scheduled to meet with her to discuss all of this stuff so now I am not going to see her until October 12. But, that's ok, because in the words of the oncology nurse who relayed these changes to me "it doesn't really matter". hmm... not quite sure how to take that really... it seems like it might matter whether or not there is a new influx of estrogen and/or progesterone into my system to my highly estrogen/progesterone driven cancer... but what do I know??

So, in the meantime, we will go to Kindergarten Orientation, have a very long overdue visit with our landscape architect (I will tell you all about it Karen!!! maybe he'll let us keep a copy of the plans too...) and go to a memorial service for the father of one of our closest friends. What a difficult year (more??) this has been for our closest circle of friends... we've lost parents, suffered illness and carried each other along. Praise the Lord for friends to cry, pray, laugh and love with. We are so thankful to be walking alongside all of you.

Re-entry

Returning from vacation must be a lot like re-entering the earth's atmosphere after a trip to space. On Sunday afternoon I looked around my house and felt like my vacation had vomited all over my house. Dirty and clean clothes mingled with travel coolers, sea shells, coloring books & sticker books (if you have a Star Wars Lego lover in your house - as I do - I highly recommend the sticker compendium of Star Wars Legos... I was instantly inducted into the Mommy Hall of Fame and it is still Parker's absolute favorite thing to carry around the house, talk about and gaze upon lovingly - and special thanks to Mike that we did not accidentally leave it in Boston!), remnants of piece-mealed meals and dirty coffee cups littered our dwelling while I pondered what was really the most important thing to tackle next. Vacation was a blissful thing (although it truly took us until about Wednesday to actually relax) and returning to our home was almost as good. (our sheets never smelled so sweet and our bathrooms never seemed so luxurious...) We had a fantastic 9 days of visiting family and friends, attending a family wedding (another Martelle brother... the last one... now it is just the sisters left. C'mon Megs & Fran!! ha ha), eating lots of seafood (even Neely enjoyed the lobster) and relaxing by the ocean. Thank you Mom & Dad for finding a place and pulling us all together! We got to see Mike & Anne's new home in Needham as well as spend time with my most beloved Coz in Gorham. But truly the best part of getting away is realizing how wonderful it is to have someplace to come home to. Now we are pretty well re-assimilated and it is almost time to clean again (how does the house get so dirty???).

In the past week I have seen no less than three different doctors/specialists and officially scheduled surgery for September 20th. (sorry Mom and Audrey that you are learning that here... you'd think that your status as moms would at least earn you a phone call... this blogging thing has totally usurped traditional protocols... forgive me, I'm completely overwhelmed) I'm still awaiting the official results of Tuesday's ultrasound (related to my, not completely unanticipated but still surprising, period) and feeling a bit anxious since she did find a few things that she said are "usually no big deal", which are unfortunately not comforting words to someone who discovered that they had highly aggressive stage IIIb breast cancer at age 36. I guess we'll know for sure when I see Dr. Baer on August 23rd.

As it stands right now, I will be having my reconstruction at Magee on September 20th and, if all goes smoothly, will be in the hospital until the 24th. After that it is several weeks of hell - from what I can gather from some other patients with the same procedure - and then things begin to turn around with full recovery beginning to appear around the 2 month mark. (with some secondary surgery in there somewhere... fun, fun!) I've been asked if it hasn't crossed my mind to just accept things as they stand right now and, truly it has, but then I put on a bathing suit or something else that doesn't come all the way up to my neck and I realize that I just don't want to be dealing with this for the rest of my life - however long God has determined that to be. Thank you all for your patience with my reconstruction schizophrenia and for your prayers for peace in making such an overwhelmingly difficult decision. It is so very difficult to make a choice to put myself in this position as well as to create a situation where we are highly dependent on others (and by that I really mean AUDREY... ) again. We are so blessed to have Audrey's blessing on our decision and her pledge to stand by us on Hillvue Drive once again. We truly couldn't do this without her help (and goodness knows that the kids are counting down the days until Grandma returns!). Neely tells me almost daily that Grandma lets her wipe herself when she pees and the boys keep talking about all of the fun things that they will get to do when Grandma is back. We all miss her here! Hope that the rest of you out there in Edmonton, Calgary, Denver and beyond have appreciated having her out on loan. :)

In addition to a week heavy on appointments of my own, I spent an afternoon in serious conversation with a dear friend who had just learned of her own diagnosis of breast cancer and is about to embark on a journey so similar to the one that I have just undertaken. I can't help but believe that God has placed us in each other's way for this very reason and I do take joy in being able to use all of this craziness for something worthwhile, but it is incredibly painful to retrace the steps that have gotten me to today. It is still sometimes very difficult to believe that all of these posts are really about me and not just some fictional character who floats in my imagination. I still haven't fully embraced who I am today (maybe because I'm still not "finished"... but will I ever be??) and here I am trying to help someone else navigate the cancer crazy train. ugh... please Lord, find me faithful and worthy of the calling that You have allowed upon my life!