Faster than a speeding bullet...




Dryden's "all girl" indoor soccer team


Here it is TWO weeks since my last post and to me it feels like only yesterday... if I'm not careful, I'm going to wake up tomorrow to Dryden asking for the car keys.  In the time since I last attended to this site, I saw one of Dr. Puhalla's PAs (medical oncologist), Dr. Mehta (radiation oncologist) and done a bunch more hot yoga (what can I say, we got the "unlimited month" Groupon and we must make the most of it!!).  I got the 3-month (I'm on the extended plan now) Zolodex injection in my stomach and, once again, they completely lied about how that feels.  "Oh, it's the same needle".  Riiigggghhhhhttttt.  Big bruise, bleeding, painful and now lots of prayers that it will actually suppress me for the full three months so that I don't have to return to visiting monthly (to make it all worthwhile).  No good news on my relentless hot flashes.  They are apparently not necessarily attributable to my menopausal condition (they once were but since it has been about 2 years, that effect is waning) but to the Arimidex that I take daily.  yay!  The only good news is that she claims that they are evidence that it is "working".  Whatever.  Dr. Mehta was fascinated (like most doctors and people in general, for that matter) by my reconstruction.  All is well on her end.  I was interested in the fact that she wants me to be seen by 2 out of 3 (those being, herself, Dr. Ahrendt and Dr. Puhalla) of my doctors every year.  So, since I see Dr. Puhalla every 3 months and don't usually have an occasion to see Dr. Ahrendt (and Dr. Mehta is closer with free parking... ha!), I will probably continue to see her on a yearly basis.  I did also nail down the fact that I am in this ridiculous Zometa drug trial until October 2012?!??  Clearly I was in some sort of chemo-haze when I agreed to do it... ugh!!!  That means that I am stuck with this port until then at least.  Trust me when I tell you that I am over it.  Every sports bra rubs on it, when I am in the drivers' seat the seat belt rubs right over top of it, and it is just starting to annoy me in general.  But... it is either that or an IV every 3 months and I can't even go THERE in my mind.  So... the port stays!

Meanwhile, the rest of my regular life has chugged along as well.  Lots of rain around these parts so it has been a muddy start to lax and soccer.  We have missed some practices and some games, but that has also provided some time for us to get at a few things around the house that we have been neglecting.  Darin finally dragged in the dregs of the AWESOME rink that he built out back although now it is occupying his spot in the garage so it is clearly not in its final resting place.  We finally ordered the wooden lockers for the garage that we have long been dreaming about.  My hope is that they will coral at least some of the clutter that comes with three kids playing multiple sports, wearing more shoes than anyone ever knew they would need, rounding up their sweatshirts, jackets and book bags and just generally making things a little more organized (naturally this appeals to me!).  And, are you listening Karen, we FINALLY finished reviewing our landscape plan and returned it to the designer for the next phase of changes.  We may actually even plant a few things this spring!  ha ha. 

So, amidst all of the normal life things and the ongoing cancer-related things, I return to my friend (and now, many of your friend as well...) Sarah Young for daily refreshment, renewal and reminders... 

"I have designed you to need Me moment by moment.  As your awareness of your neediness increases, so does your realization of My abundant sufficiency.  I can meet every one of your needs without draining My resources at all.  Approach My throne of grace with bold confidence, receiving My peace with a thankful heart."

While I am doing so well, trust me when I tell you that all of the sweating, needles and anticipation of surgery still manages to get me down on a regular basis.  Maybe that is my reminder of my constant neediness for the Lord.  May I NEVER forget how much I need Him every day (good ones and bad ones...). 

At LONG last...

I am still here!  After much guilt (and prodding...) from so many loyal prayer partners, family members, friends and interested passersby (not really, how would I know if they cared or checked or even knew of my existence??)... I have pulled myself together enough to return to this fabulous outlet for all the things that clutter my mind.  Truth be told... it really is for me and just happens to inform all of you at the same time.  Bonus! I do feel as though God has been gently (because that really is the way that He runs His business... gently...) prodding me as well to get back to this thing that He created for me in the vacuum of all other paying work. ha!  :) Or, dare I say as a means of doing His work...  Not that I really need something else to do... or is it that I just find other ways to make myself busy??  Don't get me wrong, I'm still seeing doctors, receiving injections, taking medications that make me sweat and wearing that compressive arm sleeve that wears on my very last nerve.  However... what makes me sooooo much busier now that I can never seem to find the time to write?  Not sure exactly, but bound and determined to make this happen on a regular basis! 

Cancer news first... after many months of dragging my feet I finally made an appointment with my plastic surgeon.  I saw him last Thursday (and built in a MASSIVE trip to Whole Foods thanks to Shawna keeping Neely and meeting Parker at his noontime bus. Darin couldn't help out because he had to put in extra worktime to pay for the organic soy sauce, cage-free, hormone-free, organic cilantro chicken sausage and rGBH-free mozz cheese... UGH!!) to do a follow-up and pre-surgical eval.  That's right... MORE surgery.  I knew that this was coming and I do want to complete this reconstruction, I am just weary with the thought of more I.V.s, drugs, stitches and I.V.s.  Have I ever mentioned how much I hate I.V.s??  Just checking... So, that is all scheduled up for Friday, May 6.  Yours prayers are much appreciated!  It will only be day surgery and shouldn't involve too much of a recovery (taking it a bit easy and laying off of hot yoga - my latest obsession - for a few weeks).  I should be ready to go (finally...) for a summer in the pool (bathing suits, yay!!  hopefully you can read that sarcasm right between the lines...).

I am still participating in the Zometa drug trial every 3 months (and that is the only thing that keeps me clinging to a port that is really starting to bug me) and have been getting injected (in my stomach with that massive, hollow needle...) with Zolodex to suppress my ovaries every month.  Starting with my Zometa treatment this Tuesday, I will be attempting the every 3 month Zolodex.  Apparently it doesn't work for everyone (read: those too young to be ready for menopause on their own) so we'll have to see if it will continue to prevent periods or if I will need to return to the monthly injections (the only upside of which is a trip to Whole Foods on a monthly basis until they finally finish the one in Wexford, NEXT April... so much for my plan to put Neely at Eden in order to go there every Tuesday.  Foiled again... I should see if Darin is somehow behind that...).  They are incredibly painful so let's all be praying that the every 3 month one will work! (Darin and his wallet will also thank you)

Otherwise, with the aid of hot yoga (it is like doing yoga in an oven... a very crowded oven), I have been feeling really well physically.  Truthfully, the yoga has vastly increased the flexibility in my butchered left leg and it has encouraged me to finally lose those last 15 pounds that Neely left behind (that's right, THREE years ago!).  I have started jogging a little bit as well and continue on with my early morning walking group in the neighborhood.  I think that metastasis is never really far from our minds although we rarely, if ever, talk about it.  Unfortunately there are too many reminders - the sleeve, the scars - which are many, the breast, the hair, the doctors... for it to really be forgotten but it does not dominate our conversation (at least out loud...). 

Angela tells me that this was the way that she kept up with our kiddos and I'm assuming that she is not the only one, so let me catch you up on the crazy Hawn brood...  a few weekends back Dryden & Parker wrapped up a very successful first house league hockey season at RMU.  They came in second in the closing round robin tournament (they would've won but one of their best players - big D - didn't really rise to the occasion!  Although, in all fairness, he was fighting a bad cough & cold... ha ha  I'm not a sports mum at all!  Audrey will be all over my case about this when she gets back... where o where art thou Audrey?!??!!)  They both loved it and did great.  They will be back for a second house league season with Dryden doing a summer 3v3 league as well.  Dryden has also been guest starring as a goalie for his best friend Ellie's all-girl indoor soccer team (in a co-ed league but it just so happens that he is the only boy on his team... which, suits him just fine!  uh-oh!!).  Now we are headed into outdoor soccer season (if it could just stop raining... and snowing... hmm...) and a new one - lacrosse!  Both boys are participating in both and Darin is helping to coach the lax.  Stay tuned for pictures of this because is it adorable!  Neely is begging to do everything that the boys do and at some point we're just going to have to let her.  Darin is already thinking that he will sign her up for Little Pens next year... oh my...  Speaking of everyone taking part in sports... Grant has finally talked Darin into getting off the couch to play with him. This time they are tackling hockey.  Easy for Darin... not so much for Grant who makes up for whatever he may lack in hockey skill with zeal and every available piece of equipment (and then some... sliding pants anyone??) on the market.  Unfortunately it is played in the middle of the night on Tuesdays but believe it or not they have already talked several other hapless souls into joining them.  I have to believe that Grant's ulterior motive is to start Darin on something he is this good at and then talk him into some other things that he hasn't done in quite a while... (think he'll be working the century by next MS 150??). 

Ok... so that is probably more information than anyone should be expected to absorb  in one posting but hopefully it is the jumping off point that I needed to get back - and stay - in the saddle!  Stay tuned faithful friends and prayer warriors!  

BTW... this is a pic of Dryden at the Elementary School Science Fair with his best buddy (and partner in bread mold), Ellie.  They did a great job and it was so fun to see them get into Science!