Welcome Summer!!

We are ready!!  It always gets to this point in the school year and I am FINISHED with schedules, homework, school clothes and bus stops (have I mentioned how I go THREE times a day??? I'm a little over it...).  Now come August it will be a totally different story... ha!  But, for now, I am ready to get up a little more slowly, mosey to the pool for a few hours and do our regularly scheduled chores (because I do schedule my chores... laundry on Monday, groceries and other errands Tues/Wed, cleaning on Friday... I've tried to fight this tendency but now just embrace it.  It's like trying to fight your hair texture... more work than it is worth!) on a little bit less rigid schedule.  In the spirit of summer we went to the pool for the first time yesterday.  It's always a little less than fun to put on a bathing suit for the first time but the kids wild excitement helps to overshadow my own disappointment over not doing quite enough yoga or eating one too many treats.  :)  I am not quite ready to get in the murky, chemical-filled waters post-surgery but it won't be long before I do that since it has been just about two whole summers of abstinence for one surgery/procedure/treatment or another!  I have been feeling really good.  Still not allowed to return to yoga or to do anything that causes "pressure" or "shearing" to my breast.  I only know that because I had to push my plastic surgeon... at the two-week follow-up I said, "I know that you said that I was allowed to do yoga but I think that is only because you haven't done any yoga recently...".  I mean, I think that he was just picturing people sitting serenely saying "Ohmmm".  Not the kind of yoga that I had been doing!  He laughed and then I had him lay out exactly what I should NOT be doing in order to have the kind of outcome with this procedure that I desired.  It's a good thing that I'm not afraid to express myself... ha!  So... basically I have another 2 weeks of no yoga but I did start running again and have been walking and doing light weight-training for the past couple of weeks.  Thank you again for your continued prayers for us!!  We are getting a little more accustomed to the changes in my schedule but we still desire and need your prayers.  It has been quite the journey over the past several years and it is not without its scars (physical, emotional and relational) and baggage. 

The kids are wrapping up some sports seasons... a very rainy lacrosse and soccer season - and starting some new ones: summer 3v3 hockey for Dryden and a soccer skills program for Parker.  We also have a camp and Bible School on the docket strategically placed in those spaces when the pool starts to get old and everyone is getting on each other's nerves.  We will do our usual local library reading program and maybe some other little cleverly disguised "learning" opportunities as well to keep them sharp.

Yesterday Darin and I took a few hours away (thank you Grandma!!) to do some shopping and found ourselves in the Apple store (I know, take a deep breath Grantie... ).  Darin is a convert since he got his new phone (and can't stop texting Grant and giggling like a schoolgirl... ha ha!!) and we are becoming convinced that if writing/blogging and pictures (I know... I've been slacking... not with the pictures, we have TONS, just with getting them out to all of you!) are my future... then we probably want an Apple.  It sort of pains me to say that, but I really am not that "brand loyal".  Maybe there is just something about their "computers for the masses" approach that makes me feel like I'm buying a volkswagon beetle from Hitler right before WWI. So... we're not there yet but I know that God is nudging me to do something and this is probably our first step.  Darin keeps encouraging me to keep this going but gear it towards my passion for organic living.  It is definitely something to consider.  I know how overwhelming it can be to get started and I would love to put all of my research and careful consideration to work... we'll have to see!

For now we are prepping for a summer free of surgery and virtually free of treatments (now that they are every three months I will have one in July and be free until school starts again!  hooray!!).  It feels like huge relief.  We will continue to trust that God holds our future and will strive to live each hour walking the path He has laid out for us (even when we don't really understand...).

Can't get enough...

... of hanging out in the hospital.  However, I'm bored with Magee so this time we gave Shadyside a shot.  :)  Have to say that it does have a little more pleasant atmosphere and all of the nurses are at least my age or older (does that say something about working conditions??  I think that I've heard it is a desirable place to be and difficult to get a job at if you are a nurse... apparently no one leaves!).  So, the bad news was that surgery was scheduled for 1:30pm.  This meant a L O N G period of time without food or drink (in fact, the nurse on the phone said that I shouldn't even "swallow when brushing my teeth"... seriously??  I've had MUCH more major surgery than this and no one ever mentioned that before... interesting).  Plus they said "absolutely no nail polish" (Kelly & I just had a pedicure last week before Darin & I went to NYC for a few days with his work... oops), but I never mentioned it before donning the booties and no one said boo about it.  And, naturally I did hot yoga the night before (do you have any idea how thirsty I was at 3am??? ugh... maybe not so smart...) and was starving by the time I was lying on the gurney waiting to be marked up and have my throat examined by the anesthesia folks.  This time I was separated from Darin for the "prepping" part (are they afraid that he will see me naked??  Not sure what that is all about...) and had to go through the IV alone.  Fortunately she was a pretty good stick but the anesthesia student who gave me the burny medication (help me out here, Jim...) too quickly was not... I also had the good fortune to be able to watch the end of the US vs. Canada World Championship game (I don't usually have the time to lounge around like that in the middle of the day... no comment from you, Audrey... I only get my "Law & Order" fix when I am doing laundry!!  ha ha...).  After all of that Darin came to hang out while we waited for me to be whisked away.  Finally Dr. Gimbel arrived (running about an hour behind?  But who's complaining... we had blocked out the whole day anyhow...) and said, "now what did you want to do?".  Hmm...  that was a little unsettling but he seemed to come around to what we had discussed in his office several weeks ago pretty quickly.  However, part of me was thinking, "well, since you are asking... how about a little off of each thigh and tightening up this flabby part in my tummy??".  So he drew lots of lines in purple ink and said that they were going to start in the back (doing a little repair on my scarring on my left leg... which is what is particularly uncomfortable today!).  Then the anesthesia people came in to give me the 1 and 1 (the burny stuff and something else... ) and before I was wheeled out I was already feeling groggy.  Then they told me that they didn't want to really put me down until I helped them to position me on my stomach.  I vaguely remember telling them that I was comfortable (it felt like the first time that you finally lower to the floor in yoga, Kel!) and then I was being whisked into a room with people bustling all around me.  I remember feeling so chilled even though I was covered in blankets (how you must be much of the time, Shawna... again, a newfound appreciation for your discomfort!).  I kept asking for more and the patient nurse finally helped me to put my pants on.  I felt like they were rushing me into the lounge chair until Darin appeared and said that it had been almost 2 hours since he talked to Dr. Gimbel at the end of my surgery!  I guess that time flies when you are coming out of anesthesia!  We hung out for awhile longer and then finally set out on - what felt like - the long drive home.  I was welcomed home to a second Mother's Day yellow marigold that suffered a tragic event.  Dryden's was squashed by a careless boy on the bus and Parker accidentally dumped his while trying to deposit it on the windowsill.  After all of  the chaos was reined in, I went straight to bed where Darin brought me a wonderful plate of dinner (thank you Shaw!!!) and tucked me in.  I couldn't keep my eyes open - until 2am, when I then had difficulty keeping them shut... :)  Darin & Dryden were off at 6:15 for 3 on 3 hockey practice and then Dryden's 8:30 soccer game.  Parker's game wasn't until 9:30 and now they are all trying to warm up before their 6:30 lacrosse practice (and I think that those crazy Coffields might be dragging Darin out for his inaugural bike ride of the season somewhere in between there...). 

So... all of this to say that God is faithful and I am so thankful for the ongoing prayer support!  We could definitely feel the prayers yesterday.  Regardless of the waiting (which, if you were wondering, breeds more than increased appetite... it gives Satan a chance to plague you with anxiety, worry and doubt), everything went very smoothly and we are now finished - for the foreseeable future (there is still talk of convincing me to remove my ovaries...) - with surgery!  I think that 5 in two years is probably enough... :) On May 6 Sarah Young says this in "Jesus Calling":  "...I will help you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now and what does not."  The devotional that day was all about list-making (of which I am queen!) and how we use it to gain control of our lives.  Instead Jesus wants us to put our lives in His hands and use His criteria for what is most important and what should take priority.  This forced downtown in my life is always a good time to return to those priorities and learn again to appreciate His purposes in my life.  I am sore today but I am good.  I am happy for family and friends who circle the wagons right when we need them and ecstatic for a Lord who never leaves me nor forsakes me.  The kids are good, Darin is tired and a little underwater with work... but he is good and Audrey - here again in her supergrandma cape - is good too.  We will relax tomorrow and celebrate moms (we'll miss you, Mom!) and hopefully you will too!

Faster than a speeding bullet...




Dryden's "all girl" indoor soccer team


Here it is TWO weeks since my last post and to me it feels like only yesterday... if I'm not careful, I'm going to wake up tomorrow to Dryden asking for the car keys.  In the time since I last attended to this site, I saw one of Dr. Puhalla's PAs (medical oncologist), Dr. Mehta (radiation oncologist) and done a bunch more hot yoga (what can I say, we got the "unlimited month" Groupon and we must make the most of it!!).  I got the 3-month (I'm on the extended plan now) Zolodex injection in my stomach and, once again, they completely lied about how that feels.  "Oh, it's the same needle".  Riiigggghhhhhttttt.  Big bruise, bleeding, painful and now lots of prayers that it will actually suppress me for the full three months so that I don't have to return to visiting monthly (to make it all worthwhile).  No good news on my relentless hot flashes.  They are apparently not necessarily attributable to my menopausal condition (they once were but since it has been about 2 years, that effect is waning) but to the Arimidex that I take daily.  yay!  The only good news is that she claims that they are evidence that it is "working".  Whatever.  Dr. Mehta was fascinated (like most doctors and people in general, for that matter) by my reconstruction.  All is well on her end.  I was interested in the fact that she wants me to be seen by 2 out of 3 (those being, herself, Dr. Ahrendt and Dr. Puhalla) of my doctors every year.  So, since I see Dr. Puhalla every 3 months and don't usually have an occasion to see Dr. Ahrendt (and Dr. Mehta is closer with free parking... ha!), I will probably continue to see her on a yearly basis.  I did also nail down the fact that I am in this ridiculous Zometa drug trial until October 2012?!??  Clearly I was in some sort of chemo-haze when I agreed to do it... ugh!!!  That means that I am stuck with this port until then at least.  Trust me when I tell you that I am over it.  Every sports bra rubs on it, when I am in the drivers' seat the seat belt rubs right over top of it, and it is just starting to annoy me in general.  But... it is either that or an IV every 3 months and I can't even go THERE in my mind.  So... the port stays!

Meanwhile, the rest of my regular life has chugged along as well.  Lots of rain around these parts so it has been a muddy start to lax and soccer.  We have missed some practices and some games, but that has also provided some time for us to get at a few things around the house that we have been neglecting.  Darin finally dragged in the dregs of the AWESOME rink that he built out back although now it is occupying his spot in the garage so it is clearly not in its final resting place.  We finally ordered the wooden lockers for the garage that we have long been dreaming about.  My hope is that they will coral at least some of the clutter that comes with three kids playing multiple sports, wearing more shoes than anyone ever knew they would need, rounding up their sweatshirts, jackets and book bags and just generally making things a little more organized (naturally this appeals to me!).  And, are you listening Karen, we FINALLY finished reviewing our landscape plan and returned it to the designer for the next phase of changes.  We may actually even plant a few things this spring!  ha ha. 

So, amidst all of the normal life things and the ongoing cancer-related things, I return to my friend (and now, many of your friend as well...) Sarah Young for daily refreshment, renewal and reminders... 

"I have designed you to need Me moment by moment.  As your awareness of your neediness increases, so does your realization of My abundant sufficiency.  I can meet every one of your needs without draining My resources at all.  Approach My throne of grace with bold confidence, receiving My peace with a thankful heart."

While I am doing so well, trust me when I tell you that all of the sweating, needles and anticipation of surgery still manages to get me down on a regular basis.  Maybe that is my reminder of my constant neediness for the Lord.  May I NEVER forget how much I need Him every day (good ones and bad ones...). 

At LONG last...

I am still here!  After much guilt (and prodding...) from so many loyal prayer partners, family members, friends and interested passersby (not really, how would I know if they cared or checked or even knew of my existence??)... I have pulled myself together enough to return to this fabulous outlet for all the things that clutter my mind.  Truth be told... it really is for me and just happens to inform all of you at the same time.  Bonus! I do feel as though God has been gently (because that really is the way that He runs His business... gently...) prodding me as well to get back to this thing that He created for me in the vacuum of all other paying work. ha!  :) Or, dare I say as a means of doing His work...  Not that I really need something else to do... or is it that I just find other ways to make myself busy??  Don't get me wrong, I'm still seeing doctors, receiving injections, taking medications that make me sweat and wearing that compressive arm sleeve that wears on my very last nerve.  However... what makes me sooooo much busier now that I can never seem to find the time to write?  Not sure exactly, but bound and determined to make this happen on a regular basis! 

Cancer news first... after many months of dragging my feet I finally made an appointment with my plastic surgeon.  I saw him last Thursday (and built in a MASSIVE trip to Whole Foods thanks to Shawna keeping Neely and meeting Parker at his noontime bus. Darin couldn't help out because he had to put in extra worktime to pay for the organic soy sauce, cage-free, hormone-free, organic cilantro chicken sausage and rGBH-free mozz cheese... UGH!!) to do a follow-up and pre-surgical eval.  That's right... MORE surgery.  I knew that this was coming and I do want to complete this reconstruction, I am just weary with the thought of more I.V.s, drugs, stitches and I.V.s.  Have I ever mentioned how much I hate I.V.s??  Just checking... So, that is all scheduled up for Friday, May 6.  Yours prayers are much appreciated!  It will only be day surgery and shouldn't involve too much of a recovery (taking it a bit easy and laying off of hot yoga - my latest obsession - for a few weeks).  I should be ready to go (finally...) for a summer in the pool (bathing suits, yay!!  hopefully you can read that sarcasm right between the lines...).

I am still participating in the Zometa drug trial every 3 months (and that is the only thing that keeps me clinging to a port that is really starting to bug me) and have been getting injected (in my stomach with that massive, hollow needle...) with Zolodex to suppress my ovaries every month.  Starting with my Zometa treatment this Tuesday, I will be attempting the every 3 month Zolodex.  Apparently it doesn't work for everyone (read: those too young to be ready for menopause on their own) so we'll have to see if it will continue to prevent periods or if I will need to return to the monthly injections (the only upside of which is a trip to Whole Foods on a monthly basis until they finally finish the one in Wexford, NEXT April... so much for my plan to put Neely at Eden in order to go there every Tuesday.  Foiled again... I should see if Darin is somehow behind that...).  They are incredibly painful so let's all be praying that the every 3 month one will work! (Darin and his wallet will also thank you)

Otherwise, with the aid of hot yoga (it is like doing yoga in an oven... a very crowded oven), I have been feeling really well physically.  Truthfully, the yoga has vastly increased the flexibility in my butchered left leg and it has encouraged me to finally lose those last 15 pounds that Neely left behind (that's right, THREE years ago!).  I have started jogging a little bit as well and continue on with my early morning walking group in the neighborhood.  I think that metastasis is never really far from our minds although we rarely, if ever, talk about it.  Unfortunately there are too many reminders - the sleeve, the scars - which are many, the breast, the hair, the doctors... for it to really be forgotten but it does not dominate our conversation (at least out loud...). 

Angela tells me that this was the way that she kept up with our kiddos and I'm assuming that she is not the only one, so let me catch you up on the crazy Hawn brood...  a few weekends back Dryden & Parker wrapped up a very successful first house league hockey season at RMU.  They came in second in the closing round robin tournament (they would've won but one of their best players - big D - didn't really rise to the occasion!  Although, in all fairness, he was fighting a bad cough & cold... ha ha  I'm not a sports mum at all!  Audrey will be all over my case about this when she gets back... where o where art thou Audrey?!??!!)  They both loved it and did great.  They will be back for a second house league season with Dryden doing a summer 3v3 league as well.  Dryden has also been guest starring as a goalie for his best friend Ellie's all-girl indoor soccer team (in a co-ed league but it just so happens that he is the only boy on his team... which, suits him just fine!  uh-oh!!).  Now we are headed into outdoor soccer season (if it could just stop raining... and snowing... hmm...) and a new one - lacrosse!  Both boys are participating in both and Darin is helping to coach the lax.  Stay tuned for pictures of this because is it adorable!  Neely is begging to do everything that the boys do and at some point we're just going to have to let her.  Darin is already thinking that he will sign her up for Little Pens next year... oh my...  Speaking of everyone taking part in sports... Grant has finally talked Darin into getting off the couch to play with him. This time they are tackling hockey.  Easy for Darin... not so much for Grant who makes up for whatever he may lack in hockey skill with zeal and every available piece of equipment (and then some... sliding pants anyone??) on the market.  Unfortunately it is played in the middle of the night on Tuesdays but believe it or not they have already talked several other hapless souls into joining them.  I have to believe that Grant's ulterior motive is to start Darin on something he is this good at and then talk him into some other things that he hasn't done in quite a while... (think he'll be working the century by next MS 150??). 

Ok... so that is probably more information than anyone should be expected to absorb  in one posting but hopefully it is the jumping off point that I needed to get back - and stay - in the saddle!  Stay tuned faithful friends and prayer warriors!  

BTW... this is a pic of Dryden at the Elementary School Science Fair with his best buddy (and partner in bread mold), Ellie.  They did a great job and it was so fun to see them get into Science!