Returning from vacation must be a lot like re-entering the earth's atmosphere after a trip to space. On Sunday afternoon I looked around my house and felt like my vacation had vomited all over my house. Dirty and clean clothes mingled with travel coolers, sea shells, coloring books & sticker books (if you have a Star Wars Lego lover in your house - as I do - I highly recommend the sticker compendium of Star Wars Legos... I was instantly inducted into the Mommy Hall of Fame and it is still Parker's absolute favorite thing to carry around the house, talk about and gaze upon lovingly - and special thanks to Mike that we did not accidentally leave it in Boston!), remnants of piece-mealed meals and dirty coffee cups littered our dwelling while I pondered what was really the most important thing to tackle next. Vacation was a blissful thing (although it truly took us until about Wednesday to actually relax) and returning to our home was almost as good. (our sheets never smelled so sweet and our bathrooms never seemed so luxurious...) We had a fantastic 9 days of visiting family and friends, attending a family wedding (another Martelle brother... the last one... now it is just the sisters left. C'mon Megs & Fran!! ha ha), eating lots of seafood (even Neely enjoyed the lobster) and relaxing by the ocean. Thank you Mom & Dad for finding a place and pulling us all together! We got to see Mike & Anne's new home in Needham as well as spend time with my most beloved Coz in Gorham. But truly the best part of getting away is realizing how wonderful it is to have someplace to come home to. Now we are pretty well re-assimilated and it is almost time to clean again (how does the house get so dirty???).In the past week I have seen no less than three different doctors/specialists and officially scheduled surgery for September 20th. (sorry Mom and Audrey that you are learning that here... you'd think that your status as moms would at least earn you a phone call... this blogging thing has totally usurped traditional protocols... forgive me, I'm completely overwhelmed) I'm still awaiting the official results of Tuesday's ultrasound (related to my, not completely unanticipated but still surprising, period) and feeling a bit anxious since she did find a few things that she said are "usually no big deal", which are unfortunately not comforting words to someone who discovered that they had highly aggressive stage IIIb breast cancer at age 36. I guess we'll know for sure when I see Dr. Baer on August 23rd.
As it stands right now, I will be having my reconstruction at Magee on September 20th and, if all goes smoothly, will be in the hospital until the 24th. After that it is several weeks of hell - from what I can gather from some other patients with the same procedure - and then things begin to turn around with full recovery beginning to appear around the 2 month mark. (with some secondary surgery in there somewhere... fun, fun!) I've been asked if it hasn't crossed my mind to just accept things as they stand right now and, truly it has, but then I put on a bathing suit or something else that doesn't come all the way up to my neck and I realize that I just don't want to be dealing with this for the rest of my life - however long God has determined that to be. Thank you all for your patience with my reconstruction schizophrenia and for your prayers for peace in making such an overwhelmingly difficult decision. It is so very difficult to make a choice to put myself in this position as well as to create a situation where we are highly dependent on others (and by that I really mean AUDREY... ) again. We are so blessed to have Audrey's blessing on our decision and her pledge to stand by us on Hillvue Drive once again. We truly couldn't do this without her help (and goodness knows that the kids are counting down the days until Grandma returns!). Neely tells me almost daily that Grandma lets her wipe herself when she pees and the boys keep talking about all of the fun things that they will get to do when Grandma is back. We all miss her here! Hope that the rest of you out there in Edmonton, Calgary, Denver and beyond have appreciated having her out on loan. :)
In addition to a week heavy on appointments of my own, I spent an afternoon in serious conversation with a dear friend who had just learned of her own diagnosis of breast cancer and is about to embark on a journey so similar to the one that I have just undertaken. I can't help but believe that God has placed us in each other's way for this very reason and I do take joy in being able to use all of this craziness for something worthwhile, but it is incredibly painful to retrace the steps that have gotten me to today. It is still sometimes very difficult to believe that all of these posts are really about me and not just some fictional character who floats in my imagination. I still haven't fully embraced who I am today (maybe because I'm still not "finished"... but will I ever be??) and here I am trying to help someone else navigate the cancer crazy train. ugh... please Lord, find me faithful and worthy of the calling that You have allowed upon my life!
I cannot thank God enough for the "way too short" visit we had at Kim & Shawn's...time to hug those precious little ones (and you and Darin too!) and catch up. You are beautiful (inside and out) and we only wish, as always, that there weren't so many miles between us. So glad your vacation was everything you expected it to be. Praying and loving, as always, Auntie/Uncle
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