She's here!

Grandma Hawn, that is, and it almost seems as if she brought with her that girl inside me who says, "I'm sorry, did you just tell me that I CAN'T do something???". That girl who always decided what she wanted long before there was any possibility of it or she truly understood what it was that she was wanting. The one who said, "sure I'll try out, what's field hockey?". The one who showed up at the University of Pennsylvania fresh from the farmlands of Lancaster County horrified when my field hockey coach suggested that my mom really needed a glass of wine to relax a little bit. The one who arrived at the Boston University athletic training room and announced that she wanted to work men's ice hockey (MAJOR faux pas!!!) and ended up with a 1995 National Championship ring. The one who's parents dropped her off in Mankato, MN after taking a grad-assistantship, sight unseen just because hockey is what I've always wanted to do. She's here... and she's ticked. Mainly at me because of the way that I've been gloomy and weepy. She's starting to think about getting as strong as I can be, eating things like bulgur and tempeh (trip to Whole Foods, anyone??) and spending a lot of time talking with the Lord about what my overall attitude should look like.

So with all of that in mind, I got up this morning (a holiday... which I usually take off in order to snuggle in bed with the love of my life) to walk with the neighborhood girlfriends who are as crazy as I am to get up so early, only to realize that we had changed our day to Tuesday... (However this has nothing on this time I was waiting on a street corner to run with Shawna at 1:30am...) So, I walked by myself and did a lot of thinking. It was beautiful and for some reason everything seemed to smell so much more pungent than normal. Thank you Lord for another day of feeling healthy - no matter what my insides are cooking up.

I have a very specific prayer request for the SO, SO, SO many of you out there who are holding us up before the Lord. Please pray for our children. We are so torn over when, what and how much to tell them. We don't want them to feel that we are keeping things from them yet I don't ever want to give them the impression that I am unable to care for them. We love the little bubble of childhood bliss that they live in (I wish that you could see Parker do his C3PO walk or hear him "read" his entire Skippyjon Jones book... "I am not a Siamese cat, I am a Chihuahua!"... or field one of the 3000 questions that Dryden throws out every day, "so, how do cows make the milk?") and it breaks my heart to think about introducing bigtime sickness to them. Especially in one the people that they rely on the most...

At the same time, we are so thankful that Grandma has arrived to be "on-call" for the many pending appointments. I certainly do not want to tackle anything else alone like I did the biopsy (and don't go feeling badly for me... it was my choice, to the chagrin of many). I just knew what was coming and couldn't face any of my friends without having time to cry with Darin first. We're just that kind of couple, I guess. Regardless, Grandma rules with the kids and has taken a huge load off of our minds! Thank you!! (and just in case you are wondering where on earth my mother is... she is headed north to honor longtime plans to help care for my soon-to-be-arriving niece. hooray!! I insisted that she go because there will be plenty of time for her to clean my house later... ha ha)

I also wanted to respond today to the many, many kind words about this blog. I am so happy that you all are getting something from this, I know that I am. However, please, please understand that any eloquence, any grace, any strength that flows through here comes straight from the Lord. I do not have these things on my own. I have learned in the past several days just how weak and scared I really am and I have no doubt that without Him in this battle... I would lose my way. I am so thankful that I haven't felt the need to understand His plan (so far...) and immensely grateful for the way that He arrives - in so many different forms - right when you need Him. Our God is an AWESOME God and He reigns in heaven above with wisdom, power and love, our God is an awesome God!