Normal?

Darin says not to get too carried away with that word... I guess that I was never that "normal" to begin with... But here we are on a normal day and I just thought that I should take advantage of a couple of quiet moments to put some feelings to type. It's actually been kind of a hard week. I should be overjoyed that a chapter is finished, some hurdles have been mounted, some of the hard stuff is past, but instead I just kind of feel a little lost. I can't bring myself to pick up the phone to make any of the appointments that are on my list (would that make it seem like some things aren't really over??) and I'm getting really annoyed at my physical inability to pull myself together. Audrey reminded me last night (thanks again for the CELEBRATION dinner, Britt & Steve! It was so nice to do something festive in the middle of the week with fabulous friends that have suffered right alongside both of us.) that they did warn me that it would be at least a month before I was 75% myself (I won't say "normal"...). I guess that I just wanted an instant turn of the page and magical return to everything that I was before this all started. Patience is not my strong point... one would think that I would've learned something about that in the past 10 months. It would be my worst nightmare to realize that I have survived this journey only to return to my old way of thinking! At the very minimum I need to embrace the positives and, unbelievably, there are many.

So, I just opened up my friend (and now a friend to many of you too...) Sarah Young's little "Jesus Calling" and I just can't pass up the opportunity to share, yet again, how PERFECTLY God meets you right where you are. "Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over everything." I truly couldn't have explained exactly how I am feeling any better than that. ..."many things feel random and wrong"... What worries me more than anything is the possibility that I've gotten used to being "sick" and that I won't step up and take charge of myself again. Like I will just succumb to the idea that I am now not capable... of anything... I never thought that was who I am but I've become very broken and confused by everything that we have navigated. It's like I need a life re-entry program... All of this to say... please bear with me! (sorry, again, Sarah for standing you up in the dark this morning...)

We went to the typically crazy Mars Primary Center Reading Jamboree (everything is so well done, but always ridiculously overcrowded... it reminds me of the way my Dad used to get a headache just thinking about going to the mall with us once a year on Christmas Eve. Darin starts getting tense before we ever even get in the car. It's always 1000 degrees and, as Ed likes to say, there is inevitably a Penguins game that we are missing!) last night - hence the picture of the two happy boys eating neon-colored sherbertish stuff. It was great to take Grandma with us for the wildness as her time with us is finally winding down (if she can stay away from us, that is... ha ha!). I have to wonder if she is having the same difficulties thinking about returning to her "normal" life... I'd have to think NOT. ha ha! Now I am looking forward to arrival of some of my nearest and dearest friends from Lancaster again this weekend (THANK YOU Keith and Dave!!!!). I think that we'll introduce them to the strip district this time around... (I'll have a mungbean pancake for you Grandpa Hawn!).