A year gone by...

So, I've just spent the past 45 minutes (yes, at 11 pm...) reading all of June 2009. wow... what a difference a year makes. I'm still dealing with cancer - and as Darin so aptly mentioned yesterday, we probably always will be in some form or another - but I am so much more me (probably in a lot of good and bad ways... unbelievable how quickly we "forget" what we have been through!). Yet, here I am again facing surgery. Let's just be clear, I DO NOT LIKE IT. It is scary to "go under" (I'm really a control freak and that is the ultimate surrender...) and the pain is not so much fun. I guess that I could opt out but if there is any possibility that I am going to live a long and fruitful life, or really - even just 10 more years... I don't think that I can do it in my current state. But, that is neither here nor there, I can't go into a lot of details because it is too complicated and too stressful. I have a lot of judgements for myself in this area and I couldn't bear the judgements of others. It would just make the decision that much more difficult (word to the wise... if you have not had cancer, a mastectomy and/or other disfiguring, life-altering, terminal disease please don't offer well-intentioned opinions. I'm just not in any place to ponder them with any degree of politeness). These are more hard places and scary decisions but we are never alone no matter how alone we feel. I've learned that feelings can be deceptive while faith is secure. Praise God. "Your constant need for Me creates an intimacy that is well worth all the effort." (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace"

Romans 8:6

Oooh... that is a tough one... So easy for me to want to do the controlling but this is so much bigger than me (like I haven't figured that out yet?!?? Can you say "slow learner"??). So anyway, a couple of weeks of many doctors appointments and no real decisions yet, but I'm thinking that we'll be aiming for surgery sometime in September that will likely put me on the shelf again (and just when I was getting good at my yoga and running a few miles... figures!) for 6 weeks or so. Next week will bring another Zometa treatment and a lymphedema specialist (hopefully he can also shed some light on the surgery issues?? it remains to be seen... clearly I need to pull myself together, get a medical degree and put up some numbers for the people like me who want real odds instead of vague assurances that "most people do ok". what????) before we send Grandma on her way again (really?? she has her own life to go back to?? ha ha... we are SOOOOO spoiled!).

In the meantime... school has ended. Thank you Mary for the fantastic "end of school" pool party and cookout. The Hawn kids had a BLAST (but that wild blue cake icing did something crazy to their innards... did anyone else notice that in the bathroom??? It's all good, it was a good opportunity to reiterate to Dryden why we eat quinoa, many green things and fish several times a week... ha ha There is always an organic lesson to be learned!). We've also had the opportunity to have Parker's bestest friend in the world, Colin, here several times. Hence the Star Wars cookies pic... Please be praying for his grandpa Buc who is fighting a nasty rare cancer. I can't even begin to express how fulfilling it is for me to be on the GIVING side of some love and support. One of the best things that you can do when you feel depleted is to give. We were made to be givers (if you have any doubts on this check out the latest sermon series at our church on ACAC.net) and I'm discovering that first-hand. (and wow am I sick of being a taker!!) We had a blast today going to the strip with Grandma (Wholey's, Mancini's, Penn Mac, Enrico and Mon Ami... not to mention silly bandz all along the way...), spending 4 hours at the pool and even putting a few farm goodies to work (love that rhubarb coffee cake recipe of yours, Hal!).

I'm still working out my toiletry make-over (the amount of research that you can do in this area is astounding!!) and my diet continues to evolve with every new book that I pick up (thank you Cheryl!! seriously... I'm thinking of making a second appointment with my naturopath to discuss a whole bunch of new issues... I need more information!!!!). Don't get discouraged fellow disgruntled consumers!! ha ha You have to start slow and we have to demand better than yellow dye #5 and disodium biphosphorylated brominated goo.

We're hoping to get our last soccer games of the season in tomorrow morning, grill some Wholey's salmon (on tinfoil in order to avoid the carcinogens created in the fat rendering process...) and hopefully take in our first Hartwood of the season on Sunday barring too much of the forecasted rain... Happy summer to you all!!! With all of its issues, this June doesn't come anywhere close to the one that is past. We have grown, may we not forget what we have learned about who we want to be and who God has intended for us to be.