Another day, same position...

So, I started a entry yesterday and couldn't even bear to post it. Let's just say that I had quite the "poor me" day and was basically just irritable, sore and miserable. It just would've brought you all down too and what is the point of that?? Audrey and I were talking about it and we seem to remember something similar to this occurring with each prior surgery so that makes me feel a little bit better, but still... it wasn't pretty. I think that the reality of this situation is finally truly hitting home for me and it goes against (almost) every fiber of my being to just lounge around in bed all day. It's one thing for a week or even two (the first week was really just a blur in the hospital) but when it starts to sink in that you are going to be doing this for more than a MONTH... well, it is tough to take. I immediately had to start thinking about some structure and routines (because that is how I function best...). Start my day with some quiet time with the Lord (thanks for the great book, Jen Roush!! I'm really enjoying it... when I can hobble back over to the guest room - where I go to read when I can't sleep and don't want to keep Darin awake but can still stay virtually horizontal - I'll post some great quotes), get up with Darin to have my drains stripped (not nearly as fun as it sounds... ha ha and God love him he can still make suggestive comments in the midst of the drains, bandages and scars. THAT, my friends, is love), freshen up as much as possible (we only tackle the showering every other day and then only when Darin has the time to completely redo my bandages), downstairs for a little standing breakfast and then back to bed. I check email (it makes me feel somewhat connected to the outside world... I can rsvp for birthday parties for the kids, send brief thank yous until I'm able to sit up to write something better. By the way... I still have about 25 outstanding from my previous set... it was my goal to have them finished before this surgery - since I'm almost up to 25 new ones already - and you can see what happened to that... they are coming!!) and then I read stuff. I just got "Organic Manifesto" in the mail purchased with my Stonyfield Farm yogurt points and Halley dropped off "The Help" (remember Britt, SHE tore the cover, not me! ha ha) this morning. I'm still trying to do some NATA CEUs even though it is looking inevitable that I will have to apply for some sort of hardship because I am not going to come through with 80 by December 30. (which, for the record, there is no good plan for someone like me who basically just lost 2 years of her life... they just put things on hold until the next reporting period and then expect me to make up 160! yikes... something is not quite right about that) I do some more standing around lunchtime and then rest until Darin comes home so that I can do some more dinnertime standing before I convince him to hang out in bed with me to watch the little t.v. that Audrey brought over for us. (After he & Audrey take care of homework, practices, dinner dishes and whatever else is on his agenda) I get to read the occasional book to Neely before bed and Parker comes in to read to me before he goes to bed (right now he is really into that cool Bible that you sent, Rani. He is incredible... the Sunday before surgery he started reading Genesis in his real Bible on the way to church just because he wants to "know more things about God")... I try to assist with homework and direct traffic at other times of the day but really this is it for now. I hope to get a better handle on what my life will look like in coming weeks tomorrow when I see Dr. Gimbel to get these drains removed (hallelujah!!!! I'm over them in a big way...). I'd like to be able to go to some soccer and hockey games, maybe do something fun for Darin's birthday or something along those lines. However, in the meantime I am praying for all of you (a great exercise when you start to feel sorry for yourself), counting my blessings (they are vast and humbling) and practicing my PATIENCE. Praise the Lord He is patient with me!