Setback...

Of course there would be. It is really no surprise... but why does it come with such a huge does of frustration and aggravation? I guess that's all me. (you can see how far I've come with my "patience" lesson, eh??) Good grief. It was a bad weekend around here after my incision starting opening up a bit on Thursday evening ending up to be around a 2inch by 1inch gap. It makes me afraid to do anything and Darin irate when I attempt silly things like getting the mail and helping out at home. It is just so difficult for me to stay stuck in bed listening to all that is swirling about and not be up in the middle of it. I HATE IT. (just in case that message hasn't gotten across just yet...) We missed a stellar "progressive" Steelers party with our crazy neighborhood gang yesterday and we kind of just stayed at home and stewed (aside from a busy sports line-up for the boys all weekend). ugh... momma said there'd be days like these, and here they are!

I've been struggling a bit to hear the voice of God amidst all my own whining (hmmm, I wonder why that has been so tough??) and was incredibly annoyed when I realized yesterday morning that the laptop I am currently using must not have internal speakers since the sermon that I attempted to listen to had no sound! So instead, I picked up the great book that I have been reading "Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On" (by Stormie Omartian) which has had some incredible insights for dark days and then read the October 3rd passage from my friend, Sarah Young who reminded me to:

"Affirm your trust in Me, regardless of how you feel, Thank Me for everything, though this seems unnatural - even irrational. Gradually you will begin to ascend, recovering your lost ground."

wow... that sounds HARD but I am trying and praying and trying to listen in my praying for what God wants from me today in my resting, in my marriage (I'm finding that all of this crap about ME for the past 18 or so months isn't making me the best spouse in the world...), in my parenting (please more prayers for PJ... he is a tough nut and we are having more difficulties with his attitude towards so many things... pray that we will handle them appropriately and lead him adequately) and in all the relationships that are helping me along this way (particularly with the visiting nurses who truly seem clueless!!! Talk about frustration?!??).

Thank you all for your continued prayers for our whole family (and network of caregivers) they are definitely what is carrying us along this very difficult path. We are eating so well (thank you everyone!!) and the kids are having a blast (Karen... you are too much to take Neely this morning with no kiddos of your own! She had a fabulous time). We know that we are so blessed to be so well-covered and we don't take that lightly. I am hanging in there and anxiously awaiting the day when most of the physical aspects of this cancer crazytrain are behind us but at the same time trying to absorb all that God has for me here at this very point in life. Please don't let me miss what you have for me Lord!