Surgery Update

Hello all! So sorry that this never actually happened in Magee last week. As usual I was a little more incapacitated than I planned on being. I can't quite seem to gauge my physical response to surgery as well as I would like... in fact, I really did a lot of NOTHING besides being relentlessly poked and prodded by nurses, fellows & residents (literally... every hour for the first three days and every 2 hours after that!), sleeping and watching ridiculous t.v. (Project Runway marathon, anyone??). For the first three days I was too bleary-eyed from medication to read and all that I felt like doing was sleep (waking up every hour to be poked yet again...) after that I barely had the mental energy to get through one of the 6 new magazines that I had in the hospital with me! Needless to say, I was NOT up to typing!

Backing it all up for you... we arrived at the hospital bright and early on Monday morning and were all checked in, naked (sorry, this always annoys me for some reason. It's a little unsettling to be completely naked under a sheet knowing that very soon you will have no idea what is going on around you!) & waiting by 6:30ish. My projected surgery start time was 7:30 but I have no idea if that came off as planned or not. Everything was going very smoothly until they delivered the very unwelcome news that they would NOT be using my port! UGH. As you likely already know, I HATE i.v.s so this did stress me out a bit (which Darin found kind of comical since it really is such a minor part of such a big procedure!) but I managed to pull myself together. As always it was very tough to be wheeled away from Darin for the last time but in moments I was out. HUGE thank you to Grant for coming in during to the day to hang out with Darin and go to lunch with him. I know that it was stressful for him to just sit in the waiting room watching my # on the board (which basically said "In Surgery" for 8 full hours...) so that diversion was so greatly appreciated!! (and it makes me feel better knowing that he wasn't alone all day)

Praise the Lord I came out of anesthesia blissfully this time. I remember feeling so warm and cozy with my only complaint being extreme pain in my left arm. I desperately wanted to keep it bent up next to me (realizing later that this was because it was fully extended and strapped down for 8 hours!). I dozed off and on completely comfortably and didn't experience any nausea at all!! Once again it began to get later and later and I was starting to make sense of the recovery room nurses conversations that were mentioning things like "not enough nurses available", etc. etc. They finally brought Darin back to be with me around 6pm and we got to a room around 7:30pm. I remember that the nurse kept trying to get Darin to go to dinner because I could barely talk due to the dry mouth and I kept falling asleep (great company!) but he wouldn't budge and they finally gave him a chair. Over the next day or so he spent a lot of hours like that and I love you so much for it baby!!!!!!

Darin finally headed home around 9:30. I knew that he was exhausted and starving but we just have a hard time being apart so he didn't want to leave. However, it was made just a bit easier by another huge answer to prayer... GREAT nurses. I had some really wonderful ones (you know who you are Mary Kay, Frankie, Caitlin & Lauren) and several for multiple days and nights which made everything so much easier on us. Things were going swimmingly with the reconstructed breast (and from a medical standpoint it is fascinating what they can do!! I also had awesome residents and fellows who were more than willing to engage my curiosity and were drawing me diagrams of the vessel attachments, implanted Doppler locations and discussing pros and cons of various techniques and procedures) and everything else was pretty easy until they started wanting me to get out of bed. I'm not sure that I ever fully described what was going to be done and I'm not sure if I can really do it justice but I will try... they took my left gracilis muscle (small, useless adductor which could be considered part of your groin as it attaches to the pubic tubercle) and the fat & skin overlying it to reconstruct a breast. This leaves me with an incision down the inside of my left thigh as well as in my left buttock crease and left front groin area. All of that to try to explain that they do not want me to flex at the hip, abduct (move my left leg away from the midline of my body) or bend (in any manner) at the waist. Just for fun, lay in bed and then try to get out without doing any of those things! Then, try to get on the toilet... (remember, I'm a woman...) Basically it is a logistical nightmare of dramatic proportions! I can't tell you how much I miss sitting and it has only been 6 days! Being who I am and wanting to plan ahead a little I asked about how long I needed to be this careful (in order not to spring open a notoriously difficult wound healing spot or to create a much nastier scar than is already there) and the fellow told me that in a month the scar itself would be at about 10% the strength of normal skin. So.... it will be at least 6 weeks until I can sit (much at all...) and I have no idea when I would then be able to drive. Don't get me wrong, they did disclose all of this to us prior to surgery but it always comes across a little differently before you're there. I still believe that in the long run this is the best choice for me (given the other choices, none of which were to just put in some implants... unfortunately radiation ruined any hope of that for me) but I am ever more grateful and humbled by the amount of help we will need. Of course Grandma has already put in more time than you can imagine and Darin is just trying to do it all. We are so blessed to have all the rest of you praying, calling, texting, cooking, dropping off enormous mums & hot chocolate, sending cards, picking up our kids and just standing by us.

We truly felt all of your prayers in the hospital. I never once felt alone (no matter how much I missed Darin...) and I was so well cared for. He never leaves us or forsakes us whether we are on top of the mountain or struggling to go to the bathroom! Our God is an awesome God.

Today I am sad that I was not at Parker's soccer game in Mars or able to attend Dryden's tournament in Butler but I am happy to report that God is faithful and just and no matter what, His plan is perfect. I had to keep reminding myself of that fact when Darin brought Audrey and the kids in to see me Wednesday evening. I was sitting up (as much as I can... it's all relative at this point) and smiling and they all wanted to try to hug me when they first came in. Then as Dryden stood beside me holding my hand he started to waver and then to sob. Parker was next and Neely soon followed. Dryden was apologizing and Parker just kept saying to Darin that he wanted "mommy to be real". It was tough to see what a toll this has taken on them even though they have carried on so well in their usual routines. I know that God is holding each of them in the palm of His hand and my greater prayer is that we will help them to walk through this knowing His amazing love for us, His power (and how it is made perfect in our weakness) and the fact that even though we don't know the future, He does.