The first of many

Yesterday morning I went for an MRI with contrast. I've had MRIs in the past and I even ran a large, NIH research grant that centered on MRI, so this isn't something that I'm unfamiliar with (i.e. this should be the easy part!). However, I still found myself to be nervous - mainly because I HATE I.V.s (something I'm probably just going to have to get over), but also for who knows what reason (so now I'm thinking... what's going to happen when I have to start doing things that I've never done before?!?). What I was really thinking as I sat there with Darin waiting for the nurse to come back to start my I.V., was "I just don't really want to do this, any of this". But, that just isn't my choice (and why not? "Kristen, I am going to give you a devastating disease, OR, do you think that there might be a better way for me to use you??") and here we are. So, it went fine, I spent a good amount of time praying and it actually was a pretty comfortable position. However, for future reference... when they offer you the headphones with music or the earplugs... just take the earplugs! Not only did I have to deal with the deafening banging, clanging and shrieking of the machine, I had a crackly radio station in the background. Hopefully God heard a few of those prayers...

I don't even know how to express to you all the amount of love that has been poured out upon us. There is no thank you note in the world (not that that will stop me from trying mind you... the years of thank yous that my mom oversaw is just ingrained in me and I know no other way)that will be able to recapture the encouragement, smiles and joy that your attentions have given us. We are so uplifted by your caring and concern and the things that you people come up with... wow!! We are so blessed with an amazing surrounding of family and friends. May you each receive from God double the measure that you are pouring out to us.

I think that we have established that Parker will be heading to New Hampshire with us to welcome Scott & Athena's new baby as well as to attend "Uncle" Matt's wedding. It had been originally planned as a trip for he and I and he has been talking about it for WEEKS. When all of this nonsense arrived (along with a doctor's appointment that we felt we couldn't pass up on Friday morning), everything (and by that I mean, EVERYTHING in our entire lives) was up in the air. We were hopeful that the arrival of Grandma Hawn (and the kids do call her that despite her best attempts to have it shortened to just "Grandma") might be enough of a diversion that he wouldn't mind staying at home. However, when we presented the idea (heavily endorsing the fun of staying with Grandma...), he looked at us blankly and said, "I want to go to Uncle Matt's wedding". 10 hour drive be damned!! So... we will likely hit the road as soon after my Friday morning appointment at Magee as possible with a 4 year old in tow. I'm sure that his cousin Taran will be elated (prepare the sleeping bag, Scott!).

It's been a rocky couple of days around here. REAL lows and then just some basic acceptance starting to settle in. At some moments I am totally overwhelmed with the knowledge (that's kind of a pun, I spend a lot of my time immersed in every sort of cancer info. You should've seen the bundle of stuff that greeted us when we arrived at the hospital yesterday... it is literally called "Cancer 101". I'm really hopeful not to graduate anywhere past this course) of what is coming my way. But once the initial storm passes, I realize that this is here to stay and there is no way to get to the other side except to go through it. Fortunately I am not alone - in an earthly sense or a heavenly one. I am sorry to be taking all of you on this journey with me, but I am forever grateful not to be doing it alone.