plugging along...

So... we're still sitting around on pins and needles waiting for things to get worse. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is really an ok place to be. I am definitely feeling crummy, but it's really manageable at the moment. I have kind of a dull, constant headache, a funky stomach and tiredness. Regardless, I have managed to get up and walk on my treadmill every day so far (albeit, not too fast and not for too long...) but that is mainly because I've already been lying in bed for an hour or so awake. I'm struggling to sleep very well, but I'm not complaining too much because I am sleeping some and that is better than late night bizarro t.v. watching. However, I guess today is the day that the nulasta shot should kick up some bone pain (because your white blood cell counts fall so dramatically on this regimen - and probably many others, but this is the only one that I am somewhat familiar with - they shoot you up with something about 24 hours after chemo that is supposed to help mature your young white blood cells faster and subsequently results in flu-like aches in your overworked bone marrow). But, in the face of it all, I am so fortunate to have Audrey 2 miles away to help me with the kids and so many kind friends bringing meals. I certainly have almost NO appetite (and that same aversion to the smell of meat that I often had while pregnant... I can eat some when it is hot and ready, but to smell it in the fridge later is no good) and everything tastes funny (especially my coffee... what is up with that?!?? can I not keep one good vice to hang onto when the going gets rough??). But please don't worry about me and what I might feel like eating when you are thinking about meals... the true purpose of those meals is to keep my poor family going while I could really care less about food (not a usual place for me to be!).

I think that I am up for taking Dryden to the Primary Center for his school visitation today. He tells me that he is feeling a little scared about first grade so this should be a good way for him to get a little more familiar with things again. Maybe we can even swing by to visit Mrs. Kolson in his room from last year! (he still wishes that she would just be his teacher forever... ha ha) And how about Grandma taking Parker for a trip to Costco yesterday and coming home with six Star Wars movies?!?? Guess that it will be Star Wars mania around here for many Friday movie nights to come... Parker woke up this morning saying, "is this movie day??" and chanting the theme song. It's going to be a loooonnnngggg day of saying, "after dinner, Parker!". Right about now, I can also hear Neely rolling around upstairs but since her protests are not yet too loud, I think that I'll try to wrap this up quickly before really getting the day rolling...

In my current electronic quest to catch up to the 21st century, I have even figured out how to load podcasts onto my ipod (it's not as thought that is actually difficult, by the way...). So I took some time yesterday while resting (a new necessity in my schedule, I'm thinking) to listen to the sermon from last Sunday (that we missed while fishing, visiting and staying up too late... although Janelle & Kenton did a great little Sunday morning object lesson with the kiddos and we had some great time of prayer together!). wow... it's not unusual for Rock to hit the nail on the head (as he speaks the words that God is clearly giving to him) but this was just so very relevant to what we are facing.

He reminded us that "God doesn't call us to do our best for Him, but calls us to submit to Him so that the Holy Spirit can do God's best through us - and that is ministry." The overall sermon was about giants in our life (and that big one in life of David...) and how unanointed hearts are unable to see God's provision in the face of a giant. Because for every giant that steps into our lives, God has a provision but we need to be tuned into the Holy Spirit in order to see it. For those without anointed hearts, "the power of God is an inspiring myth rather than a powerful reality". And a quote that I particularly loved... "when anointing is lost (and Rock had a good definition of anointing that I didn't write down but feel free to go to acac.net and listen to the whole thing for yourself!) people become realistic". How guilty of that am I??? I like to think that my practical qualities are an assest (and in many venues of life, I'm sure that is true), but how often do I discount the power of God in the face of "reality"? I'm pretty sure that the omnipotent, omnipresent Creator of the universe, human life and all things great and small doesn't need me to break things down for Him. Cancer certainly has its realities, and death is among them, but I am happy to say that even though there are some days when I can't seem to escape my feelings of impending doom, my first instinct in the face of this giant was to claim the Lord's provision - whatever that may mean for us. So, in case you find yourself in some similar spot, I will pass Rock's closing admonish on to you (just in case you aren't as savvy with your ipod...)...

"Don't waste your giants! Let them become occasions for the honor of God."

p.s and for everyone who has asked for the name of the devotional book that I mentioned last time... it's called: "Jesus Calling" by a woman named Sarah Young. enjoy!