Chemo #2

Yesterday was chemo day #2. Not as scary as the first time because you kind of know what is coming. I had my new port all ready and raring to go (OUCH!! even with the numbing cream it was a little painful... guess that we're not quite all healed up there just yet). It was at least a little bit comforting to know that I wasn't wrecking any small veins in my left arm. Although, it did occur to me - belatedly - that now I'm potentially wrecking my jugular vein. You know... the one that comes from my head... I kind of need that... However, when I talked to my awesome nurse, Sarah (just a little shout out to you there Sarah!) about that she said what I was assuming, that because the jugular is such a big vein it is not affected in nearly the same way as squeezing all of that poison through a small vein would be. Makes sense to me!

Praise the Lord that I did not have a reaction to the Taxotere. I also mentioned the magnitude of my headaches last time around so they switched me from the oral Zofran to an injectible antinausea medication that will supposedly do the same deal on the nausea but prevent the headaches. I did come home feeling a lot worse than last time and was in bed by 8:30 (home at 6pm because I switched my time so that I could be at school for Parker's first day... hence the picture above!). However, today has been... ok. I'm very tired, foggy, already started on the pepcid that they recommended for the chemo-induced reflux and harboring a mild headache (albeit nothing like last time). I got my Neulasta shot this afternoon and am expecting that things will go about like last time... not so good for Thursday, Friday & Saturday with a gradual easing off of symptoms as time goes on. I can tell that my taste buds are slowly checking out (as my water tastes funnier and funnier) but I need to try to eat less dairy this time around even though that is what tasted pretty good last time (it caused too much cramping and other digestive symptoms). Looks like I'm left with bread and hard boiled eggs (for a WEEK...), yum.

Another big praise is that Parker is LOVING school!! He has been saying for the past several weeks that he didn't want to go, that he wanted to stay home with me, etc. etc. and given that I am not going to be able to take him or pick him up for a week or so out of every month, I was a little worried about how he would adjust. However... all of those fantastic prayers are carrying him through and when Jodi brought him home today he bounded through the door and couldn't wait to tell me how much he loved it. Thank you Lord!!!!!

Dryden is getting ready for school pictures tomorrow but somehow his much needed haircut got lost in the shuffle and just today he knocked out his OTHER top front tooth (one was already out and working on it's neighboring tooth on the other side) at his friend Luke's house... maybe there won't be any first grade pictures of Dryden... ha ha

Neely is not enjoying the fact that everyone is gone in the mornings on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (especially since Mom isn't really a barrel of laughs these days) but she is hyper-verbal and talking up a relentless storm about anything and everything. She has somehow outgrown the 10 pairs of beautiful size 5 shoes that were handed down to us (our loss is Ruby's gain, I guess...) and is becoming a little opinionated about what she is going to wear (COMPLETELY new territory for a mom of two boys who just lays out their clothes and says, "go get dressed").

And as all of this happens around me, I lose more hair, rest a lot and feel often like I am pretty much just missing out on life itself. I do know that this is a season and that this is what I need to be doing right now, but I feel like I should be doing so much more (i.e. what I'm usually doing!). I am no use to any one in need, I can't help any of the multitude of friends who are helping me and I'm just a "taker"... UGH. I feel like I can't be there for Darin, I'm barely there for the kids and I just spend a lot of time thinking about what's going on with me. Last week was so nice (feeling almost normal) but yet such a tease... The doctor who did my port (I'm sorry, his name escapes me - me the type A, attention to detail and whatnot person... chemo brain already! and I'm really trying to keep up with those crosswords and sudoku puzzles...), asked something to the effect of my feeling like things were really moving along in my treatment at this point and I had to tell him frankly... "no". I feel like it has barely started and as if time is almost standing still. However, it's God's time and His timing and whatever these next endless months hold will not come as any kind of shock to Him (even my attitude and inability to be paying closer attention to His plan... He's probably thinking that NOTHING will get this girl to sit up and stay focused!!). The only reassuring thing is that no matter how distressed I get, my faith remains. I know that the Lord has not abandoned me, nor will He. And, luckily for me, neither have my friends, neighbors, Bible study cohorts, church family, immediate and extended family and a whole host of people whom I haven't been in contact with for ages! WE ARE SO BLESSED to have each and every one of you! So, I will carry on, bad attitudes and all. Hopefully this round will not be any worse than the last, but if it is... so be it! This too shall pass...