In the shadow...

... of impending chemo we are soldiering on as if our life is normal. And maybe this is "normal" as far as we are concerned... We managed to get in two soccer games in Butler this morning before the rains came hard and before 10:30am. whew... The boys played great and Dryden was begging to stay and help out a few other teams that didn't have enough players. However, Grandpa Hawn is here just for a few days so we decided to head out and hit First Watch (for the second time in two weeks...) for more huge chocolate chip pancakes and a lot of coffee in order to warm up. (yay! I'm about over sweating in the "fur hat"...)

Grandpa Hawn will be taking off early tomorrow morning and Grammy will be heading our way by tomorrow afternoon in order to be here with us through "chemo week". We are so thankful that she is able to take time off of her real life to help us through the worst of things. Sadly my tongue is just about 95% of normal right now so my expectations are low for this impending treatment. It makes it difficult to think about what is ahead for me. So many people are reminding me that I am halfway there after Tuesday but all that I keep thinking is, "I have just as far to go as I have already come". Does that make me a "glass half empty" kind of gal?? I hope not... I'm thinking that it makes me a realist and just kind of normally negative about the whole chemo experience. Basically, it sucks. Being bald sucks, feeling sick sucks, taking all kinds of medications sucks and hey... just having cancer sucks! However, I am fortunate that I am able to keep reminding myself through the negativity that God has a wonderful plan for my suffering. And, therefore, I am not suffering needlessly! Hooray! He knows what this all means and why it is all happening just as it is. He is certain about everything so I really don't need to waste a lot of time worrying about outcomes (statistics... are you happy, Janelle??) and pathways. (which doesn't mean that I never do, just that I don't HAVE to... you know, if I don't have time or whatever... ha ha)

We have some spectacular news in the midst of trial... Parker asked Jesus into his little 4 year-old heart! He, as you all have learned, is still struggling with the idea of Mom having cancer, chemo and surgeries but because of all of his struggles his heart is soft and welcoming to the Lord. The other night he was feeling particularly sad and we discussed how Jesus can come into your heart if you ask and fill the emptiness while giving you peace that you didn't know you could have in the midst of sadness (without necessarily taking away the reasons that you are sad... big concept for a small person but amazing the way the Holy Spirit translates it for them into something that they can grasp!). He said that he wanted to do that and so we did! He then spent the rest of the week telling teachers and friends and we will continue to nurture the idea in his growing heart and mind! yippee! No doubt he will still have many sad moments on this journey, but he is not walking it alone!

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."