Day by day

We are here just taking it day by day right now. Unfortunately my tongue continues to be a challenge and my tastes are not yet normal (this does not bode well for future treatments... I may just want to contact Ben & Jerry directly to find out if I can get something larger than a pint...). ugh is about all that I have to say about that. My energy level is pretty good - I even worked on weeding the pachysandra yesterday until my arm started aching (once your lymph nodes have been removed you need to be fairly careful about how much you use the involved arm - in my case my right arm... of course - because you can develop a condition called lymphedema, which once you contract is not curable but only manageable.) and I got nervous about doing too much. (and then today I noticed that my legs were sore too... guess that I haven't been working too hard lately!) But, with the beautiful weather that we have been having it was just great to be outside. Darin has been spending a lot of time working on our lawn as we are suddenly noticing that we really hadn't paid any attention to it for the entire summer... which isn't really surprising given the fact that we are noticing that we really didn't notice the summer... We have both mentioned to the kids on separate occasions that next summer we want to spend so much more time doing normal summer things (like going to the pool, riding bikes, hiking, picnicking, etc.) while Dryden told my friend Halley recently that this was the best summer ever! So much for parental instincts... ha ha. Although, it is likely that Dryden's response is related to the fact that they have been coddled and entertained by family and neighbors all summer long. So even though we feel that the summer was lost, I am grateful that their "summer of cancer" memories appear to be so happy!

I am starting to feel a lot more like "me" this week and I am anxious not to squander a single moment of it in the coming week. I am finding that I am much more task-oriented around the house and things that have been languishing since we moved in 18+ months ago are finally getting organized and finished. Apparently it is some strange form of cancer nesting that has me cleaning out closets, repurposing, reorganizing and generally just doing things that I meant to tackle long ago. It must all have something to do with the renewed purposefulness which seems to dictate our choices in these days since my diagnosis. It just seems easier to say "no" when we know that something might make things a little more hectic than we would like and we guard our family time when I am feeling healthy. We now tend to think "small" by addressing the issues that are right in front of us (and have been there forever but we were busy thinking "bigger picture" too often...) first. This is very much like what Pastor Rock talked about this morning in addressing "change and delay" in the life of a Christian. As much as we often dislike it, God usually institutes such things in order for us to grow in character, develop the skills we need for His larger purpose and so that we can see the things that are right in front of us that need to be finished up. We are there right now...

I also read something this week - some interview with Rick Warren of "Purpose Driven Life" fame (its been circulating around the internet for awhile now, you may have seen it) - that reminded me again why I am here and why we are taking this path... He says it this way:

"We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy."

"You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is 'my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others."

God is more interested in our character than in our comfort... there is nothing more character-shaping than being uncomfortable (as I am learning!). And there is no better lesson to learn than to take your focus off of yourself and put it where it belongs - on Him. That idea is definitely harder for me since the comfort thing is something that I have no control over. The focus thing takes a conscious effort on my part to shift my thinking. Thankfully, I don't have to do it by will power or intestinal fortitude (goodness knows that my intestine can't take any more... ha ha... just a little chemo-humor for you there!). If I ask God to help me change my thinking... He will never say no.

Matthew 7:7-8 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."