Do I offend??

Ok, so I'm getting the impression that I gave an impression that I certainly did not intend! I have gotten several email apologies for somehow having offended me along the way. Maybe that was as a result of my unwillingness to share the reconstruction details and I just want to make it clear that that choice is not due to anything that any of you have ever said or done. It has turned out to be a very complicated decision with so many layers and I have so many reservations about so many different aspects for so many different reasons that I just felt that it isn't wise for me to open this up to a multitude of interpretations. And that, not because I don't value all of your opinions or because I consider any of you particularly judgmental, but because I believe that this is a conclusion that we need to arrive at on our own based solely upon where we believe that God is leading us. Having said all of that, please just pray that we will seek God's leading and that we will hear clearly from Him what our next step should be. I'm so sorry if I made anyone feel like I was singling them out for reproach! I was more marveling at the fact that I was actually choosing to keep something private. This has become such an "anonymous" (until I run into a casual acquaintance at the grocery store who got the blog address from the friend of a friend and I realize that I am not so "anonymous" anymore!!) outpost for my internal angst that I sometimes forget how widespread it really is... I guess that it is even more amazing that most of you still love me! :)

I went for my 5th (of 6 monthly treatments) Zometa infusion yesterday morning. Grandma is still here holding down the fort... are you SURE that you have to leave??? (I can say that because she is internetless currently and won't read this until she is already gone! ha ha...) We have had a LOT of fun this time around (trying to make up for too many bad days and too many treatments in the past year...) going to the pool, having guacamole happy hours, going out to dinner for her birthday and even doing a little shopping. Mixed in there were, of course, three trips to different plastic surgeons, dentist for the boys, a mammogram (I got to reunite with the amazing Dr. G. I have super short hair and she is growing hers out to donate!) and my appointment tomorrow with the lymphedema specialist. Fun, fun! However, I did manage to make a solo venture (grocery shopping ALONE is like a treat...) to Whole Foods after my treatment yesterday. As always it was a culinary adventure. I picked up the red lentils and organic fire-roasted tomatoes I needed for today's lentil-artichoke stew among many other super fun things! But, allow me to caution you from the "if it is from Whole Foods, it is healthy" syndrome (IIIFWFIIH syndrome... ha ha). In my quest to continually better our health, I picked up a couple of toiletries... namely, sunscreen, hand lotion, facial cleanser and deodorant. I thought that I was making well-informed choices, but just to be sure I checked the EWG website when I got home. NOT SO MUCH!! In fact, insult of all insults, come to find out my unscented Secret solid is only rated a 2 where my brand new (as of yet unopened and waiting patiently to be returned) Tom's of Maine roll-on got a 5. (on the "scary, may or may not kill you or at the very least cause cancer, hormone disruption or a nasty rash" scale from 0-10) wow! Eye opener... and actually, everything that I purchased was in the "yellow" range and I had already decided that I didn't want to go out of the "green" zone. So... thankfully I am headed back to Oakland tomorrow and can make some returns. This time I have printed the "safe" (ish) list of sunscreens and I am not going to try to make these choices on my own any more! I expected this to be a little complicated but I was hoping that I could count on "natural" and "organic" products to be safe for me. It is discouraging to know that even then, there could be some scary ingredients. It really makes you wonder about what I have been putting all over my body prior to even becoming THIS aware! The journey continues... I'll keep you posted!

p.s. ...the lentil-artichoke stew tastes amazing and the applesauce muffins (complete with whole wheat pastry flour and rice milk - thank you for the awesome book, Cheryl!! I am benefiting from your course...) were very well-received at breakfast this morning! Hope that you enjoy the picture of Neely with her prized "I am wearing panties" umbrella... It has been an interesting couple of weeks around here!