Gut Check

"You have been on a long, uphill journey and your energy is almost spent. Though you have faltered at times, you have not let go of My hand. I am pleased with your desire to stay close to Me. There is one thing, however, that displeases Me: your tendency to complain. You may talk to Me as much as you like about the difficulty of the path we are following. I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you. You can ventilate safely to Me, because talking with Me tempers your thoughts and helps you see things from My perspective.

Complaining to others is another matter altogether. It opens the door to deadly sins such as self-pity and rage. Whenever you are tempted to grumble, come to Me and talk it out. As you open up to Me, I will put My thoughts in your mind and My song in your heart."

Jesus Calling, Oct. 9, 2010 (by Sarah Young - in case you are just joining us here...)


I've been asking the Lord why He seems far away and why it has been difficult to hear His voice... and then I opened up my devotional to read these very pointed words and I think now the answer is clear. It is so interesting to me that I have been doing the exact opposite of this. I have tried to remain positive in my attempts at prayer and communion with Christ and vented all of my frustrations to all of you. Just when you think that you are starting to really mature in your walk, you realize how much more you have to learn! So many of you have so graciously agreed that I have much to be frustrated by, but in truth... we are so blessed and I am incredibly fortunate. This surgery, while debilitating and painful, is a miracle of modern science. The physical results are astounding and my surgeon is the only one doing this type of reconstruction in this area. The fact that I even had the opportunity to have such a procedure is a gift from God. But beyond all of those basic wonders... there is the fact that I was given an assignment from Him and I have at times lost sight of that. It is an honor to be used of God and one that I do not take lightly. This cancer (and all of its subsequent procedures, appointments and side-effects) is an opportunity to be more open about my faith than I likely would have ever had (or taken...). The truth of the matter is that I live to serve the Lord and my entire life is an attempt to reflect Jesus to everyone around me. The gift of salvation is life-transforming and if I truly believe that, then there is nothing more important that I can tell you or give to my children. It fills the emptiness, answers the question of why we are here and gives purpose to every step of the human journey. I am grateful - yes, grateful - for cancer, for pain, for reflection and for perspective. I am grateful for the chance to grow in faith and to share it with all of you. I am real, I am human and I struggle, but I am made perfect in my weakness by the Creator of my soul.