New week, same tests...

Today begins another week in cancertown where I get stuck with needles, x-rayed and ekg-ed. More calls from doctors (although, who's complaining about a surgeon who calls just to rejoice with you over negative test results?! We are so blessed with such an awesome team!) and more appointments to set. A friend of a friend who went through this similar journey just a few years ago, assures me that there will come a day when I will awake and not have my first thought be, "I have cancer". I can't say that is always my first thought right now, but my life definitely revolves around it - and sadly, that means everyone else's in our household does too. I am already SOOOOOO tired of feeling crummy (I was up watching Kathy Griffin at 2:30am last night... seriously, don't judge, there isn't much to choose from!) that I sometimes wonder where I will find the resolve to do the actual cancer fight?!?? ugh... I'm sure that it will be up and down and today just happens to be a down. I did try a great suggestion from Barbara Johnson to pray for other people when I was laying awake too uncomfortable to sleep... but after about 8 or 10 people, I was on the couch with Kathy so that my shifting around wouldn't also be keeping Darin awake. I do know that this too shall pass, but right now it stinks!! I am used to hitting the pillow and waking up with my alarm to workout. This is a new life that I am not really too excited about...

Note of importance... my amazing friend Shawna is finally all moved into her beautiful new home and with it has come a new phone number & email. Please see the notation in the top left corner of the blog to update her information. Despite all of her own craziness, she has managed to keep in touch with me constantly and to stop over to help me get a handle on the produce overload in our house. My appetite continues to lag and my desire to cook falls somewhere way behind that... thank you, thank you Shawna!

We had a wonderful weekend with our own little cookout (had some awesome Whole Foods burgers. If you happen to be spending an inordinate amount of time in Shadyside these days, be sure to pick yourself up a few...), a cookout with friends (complete with driveway fireworks... Parker was still terrified - "please don't take me to the big ones, Daddy") and we even made it to church. Hooray! However, it did't feel like the escape that it normally does because I am so continuously uncomfortable. But... it's looking that is the new normal, at least for awhile, so I'd probably better accept it! (and get an attitude adjustment to go along with it...) I think that it is just so discouraging to me that I still need so much help and it is only going to get worse in the next couple of months. I just want to throw Neely into the air, crawl into bed to cuddle with Parker and play soccer or hockey with Dryden. Not to mention carry out all of my normal "Mom" chores. I can't stand watching them all be done around me. I feel useless in my own world. And it feels like it will just be sooooo long before I can do any of those things again. But, today is just a crabby day... probably has something to do with being up for a few hours in the middle of the night (did I mention how I miss just hitting the pillow, falling instantly to sleep and sleeping all night long???). So, rather than continue along this completely un-uplifting and un-inspiring vein... I'll check in on another day when I am not feeling so pitifully sorry for myself!

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."John 16:32-33