We made it to church this morning and I am always so glad when I push myself to be there... my spirit is revived and I'm always reminded that the Lord is truly holding me in His hands. This morning we sang a song called Blessed be Your Name and there is a lyric in it that says (and I'm sure that I should be crediting someone here but I'm not exactly sure who, please don't turn me in to the copyright police - oh, ok... thanks to Google, I'm thinking that it is a certain Matt Redman. Thanks Matt!)...
Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord,
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord...
That felt so appropriate for me, except that I don't think that I was blessing the name of the Lord as the blackness closed in around me last week. What a poignant reminder... I remember when I used to think that I had been through some "dark" times. I smile at those memories now because in all of my short 36 years, the only thing that vaguely comes close to this is the few short days that Dryden spent in an incubator in the NICU. He was never anywhere near death although it felt like it to the trembling first time parents who watched in horror as their "tiny" (7lbs. at 6 weeks early!) newborn was poked with needles, full of tubes and surrounded by flashing and beeping monitors in a room bustling with nurses, doctors and medical folks of all meddle. That was dark but this is the darkest... I feel like I am just entering the mouth of a very long tunnel. I don't see any lights ahead and I just hear rumors of what is to come as I pick my way from one end to the other. There are tales of those who have breezed right through un-nauseated and mouth-sore free but those are the things of legend... tough to believe and too much to hope for when we seem to get slammed at every turn. I'm so wary of believing the best because I've already learned - in my short time on the path - that it doesn't pay to get your hopes up. From the initial, "I'm almost positive that it is a cyst" to "I was pretty sure but wanted to prove myself wrong" to the answer to our latest question regarding overall prognosis, "well... it's not stage IV cancer". Our hearts are heavy but this week I'm determined to say, Blessed be the name of the Lord. I'm confident in where my strength comes from. He's seldom early but never late and I know that we are not stumbling through this darkness alone.
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
So... we're off to relax with friends and by the message that I just received from their son... "play a lot of games that involve running and being really active... so Dryden & Parker should wear tennis shoes". Who can pass up a night like that??
Thank you to all of you for your prayers. This weekend didn't turn out to be exactly what I had in mind, but I'm starting to get used to that now. :) God's plans are different than mine and at some point I'll actually accept that I'm not in control!
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Yes, Kris, Matt Redman and his wife Beth wrote that in the form that we know it, but God gave it to us all in Job. The Redman's have had their share of suffering, too, through three miscarriages and other difficulties. But they cite 9/11 as the reason for putting it together to express our pain, sorrow, and anguish to our God who is good, loving and ever faithful. My eyes fill when I realize that God is using your pain and suffering to speak to all of us who are watching and praying. You shouldn't have to do this for us, but we had better not miss the point. You choose to praise our Creator and Sustainer rather than "curse God" as Job's wife advised. We each need to know that God loves us enough to let us choose to bless His name or curse Him. There is no middle ground. God lets each of us be His hands and feet, His love toward you and Darin and the kids. Our lives are touched by all of it, Kristen, just as they are touched by the suffering of Christ.
ReplyDeletePlease keep adding to the beauty, Kristen, however you can. We love you. I'm singing with you.
spk
><>
Doug & I echo the sentiments mentioned above, Kristen. God is weaving a most beautiful tapestry through your life!
ReplyDeleteJoining the chorus!
Deborah
Count us in as well! We are singing this song with you. We sing it often at church. I am always reminded how easy it is to praise the Lord when times are good, but the real question is will we praise Him in the difficult times as well or the times nothing makes sense? Your entry on Sunday reminds us all, that it is not something that comes easy once we receive Christ, it is a choice we make. Sometimes daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes minute by minute. I can't say enough how much we love you and want to encourage you, yet you seem to always encourage us. I know the road seems long and difficult, but God has placed us all here to help you during this difficult journey. While we still have so many questions and it doesn't make sense, we choose with you to say Lord, Blessed Be Your Name! Lots of love and hugs from all of us! - Sangrey crew
ReplyDeleteAmen and Amen! I JUST learned that song on my mission trip ~ LOVE IT. And how true it is, like Sue said above....we are quick to praise God when all is right in our world, yet do we still praise Him when things are not-so-good? Thanks so much, Kris, for keeping up with this blog. Sharing your thoughts and emotions, the "up" ones and the "down" ones, too, help those of us who are far away to feel more connected to you all in this difficult time. We love you so very much and continue to lift you up to the Lord.
ReplyDeleteLove you tons ~
Kim & Shawn
Psalm 103:1-2 I bless the holy name of God with all my heart. Yes, I will bless the Lord and not forget the glorious things He does for me.
That song has spoken to me as well. We just sang it this past Sunday and I still cannot get through it. I usually just close my eyes and let the truth of the words wash over me.
ReplyDeleteI understand completely about not wanting to get your hopes up. I remember telling the same thing to my husband. It seemed like every time I dared to hope, they would be dashed. But as I read the Word, I am reminded that God is a God of hope. Isaiah 40 "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint". Dear sister, allow yourself to hope.