and it goes on...and on...and on...

Here's a little shot from the first Hartwood of the season. It was so awesome to end our weekend there with the "usual" crowd. It's amazing how much the weekend seemed like an escape and then I woke up this morning with that - now normal - dull headache that seems to follow me everywhere.

Mid morning I received a call from my surgeon - Dr. Ahrendt, to discuss my recent test results. She went into more depth on the MRI describing an area of cancer that amounts to about 7cm (i.e. BIG). However, it is still unclear how much of that cancer is invasive and how much is insitu (i.e. still in the ducts and not capable of spreading). If the invasive cancer is 5cm or greater we are looking at radiation (which, I also learned, will greatly effect my reconstruction options). When I pressed her, she gave me 50/50 odds. Just to ensure no further disappointment, I think that I'll assume that we'll be doing radiation... She also wanted to discuss the bone scan results and in light of that spot on my one, left rib she has referred us to a medical oncologist, Dr. Puhalla, whom we will see (in Dr. Gimbel's spot... who knows when that will be rescheduled for, but I'm not sure that is crucial until we get a little closer to surgery) on Thursday at noon. Dr. Ahrendt was thinking that they will want to do a CT-guided biopsy but I guess that we'll just have to wait and see. I was hoping that I wouldn't need to do a lot of medical oncology research until after surgery, but I guess that it is back to the books for me!

I spoke with Dr. Ahrendt's assistant, Joey (Joey is a girl and fits her name to a tee. She is adorable and sporty-looking and is super efficient.) about a surgery date and she said not to worry that she and Judy (Dr. Gimbel's nurse) were working on it. After spending a little time in this system I can see why that may take several days... We're still assuming that this will all take place in the next couple of weeks and believe it or not, that seems VERY soon. I feel like I want to get in everything that I could possibly want to do in that short amount of time... (like the rest of our "one year" review list!!! I'm about to throw the cancer card on the table with our foreman to get this stuff done. I can't stand to look at the white-spotted walls for one more week!) It's difficult to think that I won't be able to really do anything for several months after surgery and that those months could be extended even further due to chemo or radiation or both!

I have to be honest and say that I am pretty discouraged right now. It's been a heavy day. Just once I'd like to hear something MUCH better than I expected. I suppose that I should be happy that it isn't much worse... there's always the OTHER side, you know?? On the brighter side... the family photos came out AMAZING despite the fact that Neely was a complete PILL. I have no idea how Andrea took such beautiful pics in between all of her pouting and "noooo-ing", but the woman is awesome! So... there you have it, God is in the little details. As Neely fussed and pouted I just prayed that we could get one nice picture. She didn't calm down and she didn't seem to smile but somehow Andrea sent us over 100 awesome pictures! (now, bear in mind, that Neely wasn't in ALL of those...) Thank you Lord!