Decisions, decisions...

Each day brings more needles, goopy drinks, injectibles and laying still in big, whirring tunnels. It feels like Groundhog Day around here and personally, I'M OVER IT!!!!

Yesterday we (poor Darin has tagged along to everything in order to be a shoulder to cry on, the voice of reason - which is his usual job in our relationship - and the one who puts it all in good perspective) had a CT scan and bone scan (sandwiched around errands, family picture shirts for the boys and lunch at Mad Mex... so, it wasn't all bad...). Those results should be made known to us tomorrow morning when we see our second surgical oncologist. We're hoping to hear her say the exact same thing that we've heard already.

Today we saw a plastic surgeon (not nearly as glamorous as it sounds...) and then the genetic counselor. Who knew that there were so many complicated methods of breast reconstruction available to breast cancer patients?!? This portion is the big "choice" and it is an incredibly difficult one. For the first time we've heard what has been in the back of our minds all along... "this cancer is rather large... you need to make a decision soon and get your surgery scheduled". yikes... Not to mention that the genetic implications could be really large (and widespread... we'll be in touch if this means you!). Fortunately, all that portion required was a blood sample and at this point, what's one more needle?? ugh.

So... tomorrow morning we are off to Dr. Malay's office to get our "second" opinion (she is actually the doctor's office that we contacted first but being that their philosophy is to test first and then see the patient, where the other office wants you in there right away, we saw Dr. Ahrendt first). My hunch is that if she seconds (ha ha... good pun, eh?) Dr. Ahrendt's opinion, then we will go with Dr. Ahrendt and the plastic surgeon that we've already met with rather than meeting with another one. At some point, it is just too much information (even for me...).

Right now, my request would be that you pray for clarity in our decision-making. Also that I wouldn't second-guess my decisions. Pray that God would help me to know that we are on the right path for us and this particular situation. I'm starting to reach my limit of ingesting and understanding information (Austrian studies on the efficacy of the TMG reconstruction, anyone??) and am reaching the point of, "do you think that will work? sure... go for it". And, at some point here I'm getting ready to ask for the straight scoop on what I can reasonably expect in terms of life-expectancy and the risks of future cancer. Again, that is likely to be "unknown" until the surgical results are in so it is probably a useless question, although one that I can't help wondering about. (along with, "sooo, what would happen if I just opted out of all of this right now??")

Please don't be disgruntled if I haven't returned your email or phone call just yet. Rest assured that it is so good to receive your messages and I do long to respond to everyone... it has just all been a little too much - especially this week. We basically got back from our trip and have had appointments nonstop. Additionally... Shelly, you now have a cult following of nacho-eating, plate smashing, beer-drinking kindred spirits. Clearly I will have to throw a big "cancer bash" one of these days (I'll plan it in my free time...) to hook you up with your peeps. :) (and, btw, it was awesome to "catch up" with on Forbes Ave. this morning! Hopefully you were on your way to Starbucks and some shopping on Walnut Street...) However, all of the really fun stuff aside(plate smashing & nachos, to name a few), I am still firmly of the belief that none of what you all perceive as "strength" and "being on top of everything" would be remotely possible without the Lord, but that is for you to recognize for yourself. It is difficult to describe God's love in action without having experienced its fullness. I continue to be amazed how He works in the littlest details of my life - along with the enormity in which He is working through this awful cancer. My love to you all for you continued care, concern and cookies. :)