more of the same...

...answers that only bring more questions, that is. I got a call from Dr. Puhalla (again, the medical oncologist, why is it that you just can't keep this straight?! ha ha...) last night with the PET results and her recommendations for our next move. The good news is that no cancer showed up anywhere else (there's a stable granuloma in my lung which we've known about since I had the flu 6 years ago and a cyst in my kidney??? i didn't even have the energy to inquire about that since she said it was nothing to worry about. But you do have to wonder... does she mean "don't worry" relative to the fact that I likely have stage IV cancer and that is going to kill me first?!??). There was evidence of lymph involvement in the axilla (under my arm next to the original cancer), which she felt was to be expected given my grade of cancer cells and the size of my tumor. Additionally, the rib spot was found to be PET negative... yay... however, as it turns out, that really doesn't mean anything. The radiologists found it necessary to remind Dr. Puhalla that bone scan is really more sensitive to bone metastasis (which she agreed with, to a point...hmm... anyone confused yet??) and it was very positive on bone scan. So... she is referring us to the thoracic surgeon at her very next available appointment (likely to be Monday, but I'm praying for something sooner) and we will most likely proceed with the rib resection instead of biopsy due to all of the reasons that I described before. My feeling is still that her feeling is that it is cancer. However, I am now thinking that she was expecting to see a LOT more cancer light up in my ribs with the PET, which would be why she sounded so positive about these results. I'm not sure how I feel. I'm still at the same spot, thinking the same thing. It is likely that we will get in for the rib surgery next week and then hopefully the breast surgery within the next couple of weeks. Supposedly they are still working on scheduling that and still waiting for the BRCA gene typing to return.

The kids were in on a little bit of our discussion this morning about upcoming surgery etc, and all that Parker could say through his little boy tears was "hold you Mommy". He used to say this all the time when he was a baby and still does whenever he is feeling frightened or sad. And this has been his response to everything regarding this all along. Dryden quickly told him that it was fine for today but as soon as I have surgery I can't hold him. Thanks... Dryden... oh, this is so hard! Then at breakfast this morning Parker prayed, as only a 4 year old can, that God would make me better without the surgery! How wonderful that he can understand that God doesn't need surgery to heal people's bodies!! I need to believe that on the same level that he does...